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Already sick as I am with all the sneezing and coughing, I am feeling worse to have to live with the consequences that my relatives bring to my family … just because they are your parents’ brothers and daughters, your parents will have to take care of those fools’ lousy mess even though they already got enough to worry about …. If it wasn’t for the grandparents, mom and dad would never have to suffer from those relatives’ selfish and thoughtless acts …. This is the problem with the Asian extended family … It’s so easy for the free-riders cum wrong-doers to get away with what they’ve done cos at some certain point somebody in the family will have to pay all the fees and fix all the problems… Gosh, this is frustrating ….

I also hate it so much to see lots of Vietnamese parents insist on their son and his wife having baby boys like my own grandparents once did to my parents … I grew up seeing mom suffering from this boiling tension and dad stressing over him being the only son and the stupid social expectation of having sons in the family …. As their first daughter, I felt like I was the unwanted granddaughter even though I had always been the smartest kid in the extended family and no one ever had to worry about me or my study …. I used to wonder if they would still have wanted a grandson instead of me when I continuously topped the class and won the national English contest that year …. I no longer care to know the answer …. There’s nothing they could do now to undo what they did … I had long accepted the fact that my children wouldn’t have my family name until one day my ex said to me “If we happen to have two sons in the future, one of them will have your family name so you can fulfil your grandparents’ wish” …. Of course I’m not marrying him cos we broke up years ago … But I am thankful for what he said cos it is the thought that counts … Too bad the people, supposedly the closest people to me and my parents, have never for once cared as much …. The stress that mom and I had to go through during my childhood was so much that my love split between the paternal side and the maternal side is never equal … and this is also why I am not gonna marry someone who, together with his parents, insists on having baby boys … I would never want my daughter to experience the same kind of pain ….

Long gone is the baby boy/baby girl issue …. my parents now still have to suffer from the relatives’ selfishness …. Is this extended family stress ever going to end? I seriously don’t know …. Too bad I cannot do anything about it now …. So sick …. stressed …. and frustrated ….



  1. Van agree with Thanh 100% about the relative issue.

    My family is exactly the same. It is always that someone who is more successful has to pay for some type of crazy and unthoughtful acts of relatives. Sometimes I just want to say, Leave them be, let them learn their lessons and grow up (or not).

    It drives me crazy that Vietnamese culture is so nurturing that some people just don’t grow up mentally since they know for sure that their parents, bothers and sisters won’t let them drown. Ughhh ….

    Anyhow, it is the way it is. I don’t know how long it takes to change the norms. Hopefully, it won’t happen too often.


  2. oh man, not again… do they not feel enough for what they’ve done to our family?

  3. hope you will feel better soon! often everything tends to go wrong at the same time, dont they? and remind you of sad periods from the past that gave you similar stresses…So sweet to read about what your ex said hehe…xx

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